radicalfarts:

eraserheadsbaby:

the ol’ razzle dazzle

IM SCREAMING

radicalfarts:

eraserheadsbaby:

the ol’ razzle dazzle

IM SCREAMING

(Source: hohokev)

111,148 notes

  • Lady on the bus next to me: Tell me again- what are you not going to do in daycare today?
  • Little boy: I will not hit the teacher with a light saber.
  • Lady: And why are you not going to hit her with a light saber?
  • Boy: It is my toy, and my choice, but if I hit her with the light saber, I'm acting like a Sith.
  • Lady: Do you want to be a Sith?
  • Boy: No! I am Obi-Wan!

63,556 notes

Me & My Dad telling My Step Mom I'm Gay

  • Step Mom: Our Server was checking you out, Haley.
  • Me: Uh, that's nice.
  • Step Mom: What, you don't think he's cute?
  • Dad: She's Gay Tammy.
  • (Awkward Silence)
  • Step-Mom: Well whats so good about eating Pussy?
  • Me: Excu-
  • Dad: Tammy, my daughter is gay. She eats Pussy; Yes, but it's not just about eating Pussy. She loves the Pussy, she admires the Pussy, she tends to the Pussy, she moves inside the Pussy . . . She is one with the Pussy, because, my daughter is Gay . . . She loves the Pussy.
  • (Longest Awkward Silence Ever)
  • Me: You said Pussy like 5 times . . .
  • Dad: 8 times Hunny, now finish your Burger.

106,974 notes

Dear future child
If it’s 3am and you find yourself in a world of complete despair
Please do not turn to strangers on the internet for solace as I did
Please climb onto my bed
And I will hold you until the demons sleep
If it is Thursday morning and you are too sad to move
I won’t force you
I will buy ice cream and we will watch your favourite tv show and I will remind you of your importance
If you feel as if you have no purpose
I will remind you that you were created entirely with love and every pain you feel, I feel too
When you’re sure you can’t go on anymore
I will tell you that when I was 21 I searched for peace at the bottom of a vodka bottle chased by a bottle of pain killers
But that five years later
When you were placed in my arms in the delivery room
I realised that you were why I had been holding on
Without realising it, you saved me, do you know how amazing that is?
So if you ever feel like grabbing that vodka bottle, put it down, we will get in the car and I will drive until the sky turns magenta
I will show you how the sun rises every morning to encourage you to rise too
Sweetheart I refuse to be unaware of your sufferings
As my mother was to mine.

Your mental health is my priority. (via be-fearless-brave-and-kind)

Wow. Tears. Wow.

(via sunshin3mama)

81,069 notes

sextnoise:

crrocs:

so i tried to make this deep and meaningful and added a water gif

I AM DEAD

sextnoise:

crrocs:

so i tried to make this deep and meaningful and added a water gif

I AM DEAD

303,128 notes